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I had a miscarriage and am afraid to tell my boyfriend

Tagged as: Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 January 2011) 13 Answers - (Newest, 24 February 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *aily-Anne writes:

I was 3 months pregnant and started having really bad tummy pains... My boyfriend, who i live with, said its just something to do with the pregnancy and told me not to worry about it, whilst he was doing his paper round i decided to talk to his mum about it, she told me she was a little worried and took me into hospital for a check up on the baby to see if it was okay.

but it wasn't, i had a miscarriage, now I'm finding it hard to tell my boyfriend all about it and he keeps asking what's up.. i just cant tell him... i know i need to tell him because its his baby as well but i think he's going to leave me.. thinking that was the only reason he was staying with me any ways. any suggestions on how i could break the news to him?

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A female reader, Baily-Anne United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2011):

Baily-Anne is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much everyone.

you all helped so much,

i told my boyfriend exactly what happened with his mum and stuff and also told him i didn't want him to break up with me and he replied saying 'i love you Baily-Anne, nothing will change that, i am sorry if you thought i would break up with you just because your not carrying my baby, and that wasn't the reason i was staying with you, your my world'

i am still smiling at it now.

but thank you to everyone again!

love you guys! 3 xxxx

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A female reader, becca emma louise United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2011):

im so sorry to hear about your loss. i had a miscarriage at 13 myself and it tore me apart. i never told my bf i was pregnant and we drifted apart. over a year later i told him what happened. i didnt tell him at the time for fear of ruining his future. i was so scared he'd hate me for losing his child but he was really supportive and said he wish he'd been there through it. no guy could ever be angry at you for miscarrying. most of the time its a natural occurance and it cant be prevented. its not your fault! he needs to know the truth asap, its his flesh and blood and he will want to grieve too plus you need his support. if he isnt prepared to stand by you then he's not worth it! stay strong, look after yourself, your time will come :) good luck for the future! and if you ever need to talk im here xxxxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011):

I'm so sorry about your loss! But if he was angry at you for miscarrying, he's not the sort of guy you should be with anyway! Sorry again

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A female reader, misLadYd.. South Africa +, writes (31 January 2011):

misLadYd.. agony aunthey . Maybe this just a sign. A baby at your age is not a walk in a park. Sorry about your loss.if he dumps you for this.let him go.but tell hm what happened

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A female reader, CourtneyAwesome United States +, writes (31 January 2011):

Hey i'm so sorry about your lost. I know it must be hard on you, but everything happens for a reason. You do need to telltell him about the miscarrige because its wrong to hide it from him like that. And you are too young for all of this drama, this is your chance to start over and get your life together, if you two break up Ohhhh well You're young just move on to the next one girl you shouldn't be tied diwn at such a young age! I wish you the best of luck! And God bless!

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A male reader, empty-1 United States +, writes (31 January 2011):

I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember that father time can and will heal all wounds, and that you will be happy again. That day is worth suffering today's grief for.

If the baby and the pregnancy were all that were keeping him around, then there is at least one small silver lining to this dark cloud. Small condolence though it may be, you will at least know that he was not the man to be the father of your children. Such relationships cannot work long term, and in the long run, you are better off knowing this ahead of time than putting yourself and your cild(ren) through the pain and loss that would come later if the two of you tried to work it out for the sake of the child(ren).

So, though I know it does not ease your pain now - know and remember that the pain and loss you are feeling right now will in the long term of your life be for the better.

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A male reader, Liebes Kummer United Kingdom +, writes (30 January 2011):

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your pregnancy but, you have got to tell him. You sound like you don't want to lose him and all that but, you cannot build a relationship on being dishonest.

You can't make him stay with you if he does not want to. Besides who knows? Maybe he really does love you and wants to be with you.

I think he should be in a relationship with you because he wants to , not because you are carrying his baby.

A relationship should be a two-way thing.

Be strong and hope for the best.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011):

I'm sorry, this may sound evil, but now you can get on with your life because according to your age range, you're way too young to have a child.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (30 January 2011):

kenny agony auntI think you have got to tell him soon, its better that you tell him now, than him finding out over the natural course of time. Don't be affraid, just find a good moment and explain what happened, if he is a good decent guy he will be there for you and give you the love and support that you need. If he does leave you then i know it will be hard, but you will get over it, time is the healer of all things. You are still very young with your whole life ahead of you- enjoy your young years, get out there and have a joyous time and live life to the full.

Good luck

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A female reader, ShiShisAdvice United States +, writes (30 January 2011):

ShiShisAdvice agony auntIt's great that his Mom was with you. Have you thought to all 3 sit down together? And if he leaves, it means he didn't love you anyway, so let him go. Practice safe sex in future relations until you are in a committed relationship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011):

You are so young to have to deal with all of this, your boyfriends mum sounds really nice, ask her to be there with you and explain what happened, and all's you can do is take it from there.

If he does finish with you because he was just there for the baby, then as hard it is it is for the best, but until you tell him you have no way of knowing. If you do stay together whatever you do don't get pregnant again, until you are both much older.

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A female reader, Fabulosa United States +, writes (30 January 2011):

Fabulosa agony auntIf that's the only reason he's with you then why do you want to be with him? Someone will love you for YOU! and just tell him.its his baby and he will ne more angery the longer u keep it

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A female reader, Cherrie_StPierre Australia +, writes (30 January 2011):

Cherrie_StPierre agony auntSweetie, you just need to tell him. He has a right to know. He might be upset that you didn't tell him right away. But if he does have any love for you, he will be there for you. You can't keep it from him so he will stay with you. If that is the only reason he is with you then you don't want him anyway. xoxoxox

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